Dear Elsie, --------------..........

I'm 17 and my boyfriend is 7 years older than me. I just found im pregnant but we don't want to go to the doctor together until we know for sure it's OK legally. Our parents are ok with it. They have been since we got together 8 months ago. I know the age of consent in Texas is 17 but I also read he can only be 3 years older than me. Is that true? Or is it ok that he's more than 3 years older than me? My first appointment is Tuesday and I really don't want to have to go in without him.

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nini

nini,

You were right about the age of consent in Texas being 17. What the 3 year part had to do with was if one of the partners was younger than 17 (like a 16 and 19 year old partners). It looks like this was changed at the beginning of the year and anyone engaging sexually with someone younger than 17 is breaking the law-no matter the age spread between them-no exceptions.

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

hello my name is brianna i got my first tattoo when i was 13 years old and it was done homemade and the needle broke and a piece of it got stuck in my leg and could never get it out and now it is completely healed and everytime i touch a certain part of my tattoo it hurts and its really hard. what should i do? Should i go to a tattoo shop and have them look at it or should i go to the doctor?

............................;
Breezy

Breezy,

Going to your doctor would be the better choice. They'll also numb up the area before working on you. You also might want to get tested for hepatitis since that can also be a problem with homemade tattoos.

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

Today I got my first DepoProvera shot. My left arm has been killing me all day. It was finally starting to get a little bit better. But my boyfriend surprized me with a hug from behind, and he forgot just how bad my arm had been hurting and now it hurts all over again! I saw online that if you rub, scratch or hit the area of the injection it can cause the shot to be less effective. I was just wondering if thats true. If it is how long do you need to wait before you rub or scratch that area?

............................;
Pained

Pained,

It is true that rubbing the site of your Depo injection could possibly make it less effective. If you don't do it until after the first hour you're probably just fine. Lightly scratching the area won't matter either. Next time you might try getting the shot in your butt (it's above the part you sit on)- it's a much bigger muscle and doesn't hurt anywhere near as much as in the arm.

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

i have anal sex without a condom with my partner but here recently i have been taken some Vicodin because of my teeth. I no that taken those vicodin will harden your stool and make it a lot harder to have a bowl movement. I think from straining alot to have a bowl movement has affected my anal area and now when i go to take a bowl movement it feels like i am passing sticker burs what do you suggest...

............................;
dee

dee,

Taking Vicodin, or any other narcotic pain pill, can definitely cause problems with being able to have a bowel movement-it makes stools hard and slows down how fast things move through the digestive tract. Any time you take pain pills it's a good idea to also take a stool softener to help with this problem (you can buy them without a prescription at the pharmacy). Also drink more water and eat more fruits and vegetables (warmed prune juice really works for some people). And any time your anal area is sore from having problems going to the bathroom or from anal sex, take a break from the sex. You don't want to tear things and cause yourself other problems. The tissue there is pretty good at healing itself-sitting in a warm bath can also help. If the discomfort isn't getting better in 4-5 days then it's time to see your medical provider. And PS- I hope this is a long term partner and you've both been tested for sexually transmitted infections, and are practicing safe sex, otherwise with your current problem you're at an even higher risk for getting these and other infections.

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

hey i just got tested for iron deciency anemia, and im scared but im trying to be postitive that i dont have it but i cant escape the fact that i have ALL the symptoms and signs, cause i skip meals, im a picky eater i hate sertain foods, that i stay away from, and im looking at all the things online about itand it seems scary and im scared i might be under 7 cause i skip meals i probably eat one thing a day and i dont eat the next day, and i heard if your under 7 its severe, but im scared i might be in pain cuase i hate pain in all, do you think i may have it too.

............................;
youngest king

youngest king,

The symptoms you describe could be because of anemia, but they're also caused by lots of other things- like not eating and having low blood sugar, stress, anxiety, thyroid problems, and so on. That's the problem with looking up things on-line. There's a lot of great information out there but you need to have someone with training (your medical provider) be able to determine what exactly is your problem. The good news is, that in almost all cases, iron deficiency anemia is treatable. So please, I hope you follow-up with your provider to see what's really going on with you.

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

Hi I have a real crazy question ok If u have two woman pregnant at the same time will they crave the same thing and will they have the same symtoms.

............................;
Skeet

Skeet,

Often close female friends end up sharing a lot of things, including symptoms- symptoms around periods, headache symptoms, moods, and yes even pregnancy cravings and symptoms. It's probably from being empathetic (or 'tuned in' and sympathetic) for your friend.

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

Hi I'm 13 and was just wondering about pregnancy.. This might be a stupid question but can I get pregnant if I don't have sex or do anything sexual like for example if I sat on a toilet seat with semen or touch an object or person's hand with semen? I'm probably overthinkig this too much. Can someone answer please..

............................;
ktipoti2

ktipoti2,

There's never a stupid question- if you are wondering something then there's definitely someone else wondering the same thing. Sperm are pretty determined little guys. You can't get pregnant from the toilet seat though, or if it's dried on an object or a persons' hand. If however, someone has just ejaculated and it's on his hands and then he fingers you (his fingers in to your vagina) while it's still wet, you could possibly get pregnant. Also, if a guy comes on the outside of your genitals and any of the fluid gets up in to you there's a possibility of pregnancy. Bottom line...keep thinking about these things and you'll be safer.

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

Hi.jst wana knw if ts wrng 4 gurlz 2av more dan 1 bf nd,a guy,in his 30's or 40's(guess) nd i av bin datin...wen he 1st askd me out,i acceptd cos i pitied him. u knw...issues lyk,he lost his job etc...he sayz dat he dosnt mind if i accept im 4jst pity...bt i shuld at least show im an atom of luv...nw,i wnt a brkup bt he dosnt wnts me 2leave im nd he's bin sick since d day i tld im i wntd a brkup...confusd...wat shuld i do?accept im til he gets wat he wnts 2 achieve or?

............................;
Gracia

Gracia,

As long as all partners know that their boyfriend or girlfriend is dating other people and are OK with it then it's OK. Hiding the fact is not OK for a number of reasons, but especially because if it's a sexual relationship it's possibly putting someone else at risk for diseases without their consent.
You didn't say how old you are, but if you are under age (18 in California) and dating someone over 21 it's illegal and punishable for the person over 21, by law (jail time and/or fines plus a permanent legal record). Dating someone out of pity isn't a good reason to base a relationship on. And his being 'sick' since you told him you wanted to break-up sounds like he's trying to get you to continue pitying him so you'll stay with him. If you don't feel you could love him (and you are over 18) then it's time for you to move on so both of you can find some one who is right for you.

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

I have a problem with dating older men. Im a minor and I cant get over older men. Im VERY mature for my age and infact I have been mistaken numerous of times for being 30 I don't look my age at all. I have dated men up to 32 years older then me and guys my age just aren't attractive to me. I try to explain myself to people and they think I have sugar daddies which is not the case. I actually DATE these guys we have a mutual realtionship. I have found some bad seeds in dating older men but 90% of them are amazing :). I really don't know what to do...

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Stupid Cupid

Stupid Cupid,

That is a problem. It doesn't matter how mature you are or look, the law is the law- if you are a minor involved with someone over 21 years old it is against the law and your 'partner' can be prosecuted- financially and/or by being incarcerated, plus it will go on their record-permanently. Once you are of age (which can be slightly different depending on what state you live in) you can decide who to date no matter what age they are. P.S. please read the article on this web site about dating older guys.

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

I got a question. Okay, so, I'm 5"2' and 160lbs. I looked up how much I'm supposed to wiegh and it said (on average) I should be around 110-120. So, I decided that I should probably loose some wieght. So, I started trying to exercise. That didn't work, I wasn't very motivated (I'm lazy) so it never really stuck. Then, I had a great idea, if I don't eat, I won't gain anything right? So, that's what I decided to do: try to eat alot less. Unfortunatley now that Ive started that (today's only my second day) I've been getting dizzy and I haven't lost anything yet. I was just wondering if being dizzy is normal for this kind of thing or if something's wrong. Oh, and I looked up online and alot said that it does either go away or you get used to it but I wanted an actual person's oppinion. Nobody I know knows about me not eating (i eat infront of them so they don't suspect anything of it, it's bad enough that they know i used to cut, i don't want to worry them anymore) so that's why i had to ask you. :) Oh, and don't worry, I'm not pro-ana or anything, I just thought that this would be the quickest way to loose because I read somewhere that when you don't eat, your stomache shrinks, and that's what I want. So, yeah, do you know if being dizzy is going to pass? And, if i do say so myself, ive done really good at not eating today (i had a baby cucumber at 11a.m, it's now 2:32pm so I'd say that that's good for the second day) i also kind of want to tell my best friend because i think he suspects it (i was sending myself a msg and accidentally clicked his name) but he says he has no idea what i was talking about but i can't figure out if he's lying or not because i full out said what i was doing and i know he isn't stupid. So, yeah, if you could help I'd really appreciate it.

............................;
No One Special

No One Special,

Congratulations on being ready to change your future health. Knowing you need to lose 40 to 50 pounds can seem very overwhelming and impossible. You might try to break it down instead to 5 to 10 pound increments. In other words, try to at first lose 10 pounds, and when you get there, try for another 5, and so on. Also, remember that you didn't get to this weight overnight so don't try to find the 'quickest' way to lose. Instead, try to find small lifestyle changes that you can live with forever so that you don't gain the weight right back. Not eating at all doesn't work for a number of reasons- you can be dizzy, nauseated, shaky, sweaty, can't think, etc. But the real problem is that your body goes in to survival mode and your metabolism (how your body uses food)slows way down and you'll gain all of the weight right back when you do start eating. In reality you have to eat to lose-this makes your metabolism far more efficient. The key though is eating the right things in the right amounts. Make fruits, vegetables and water your friends. We need 5 or more portions of fruits and/or vegetables a day (a portion is about the size of a fist). Fruits and vegetables have a lot of fiber and water- they fill you up and you eat less of other things. We also need 5 or more glasses of water a day. Try a glass before every meal- on average you'll eat about 70 calories less and you'll lose a couple of pounds each month without changing anything else. Get rid of soda, juice, white bread, white pasta, white rice and white potatoes, processed sweets (candy, cake, cookies, etc.)- all of these things turn to sugars in your body which in excess turns to fats. Try lean proteins- chicken without the skin, eggs, tofu, fish, beans, low-fat yogurt, etc. These things help fill you up and maintain your blood sugar levels so you're less hungry. Avoid: fried anything, mayo, cheese, ranch dressing, full fat dairy products. Always eat breakfast- it amps your metabolism. I know you said you don't like to exercise, it is hard but it will help your weight loss. Muscle also amps up your metabolism. You don't have to go to the gym- go for a walk, dance, Zumba, swim, bike, take the stairs, park farther from the store, walk the dog, walk the neighbors dog- anything that gets you moving (and it doesn't have to be all at once, 10 minutes now and 10 later still add up). Ideally you shouldn't lose more than a couple of pounds a week. That doesn't sound like much but it's safer and will stay off better. Find things that distract you when you're hungry- call a friend, go for a 10 min walk, chew some gum, take a hot bath; often if we can bide some time a craving will pass. And remember to reward yourself- a small sweet treat, a movie, scented candles, a new book. Most diets don't work, because when you go off of them you go back to your bad habits. All of these suggestions are things to incorporate into your life to do for the rest of your life- to live longer, and prevent things like diabetes, high blood pressure, bad knees, poor self-esteem, etc. Good-luck, I believe in you!

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

Hey,OK so I'm 17 and I've always had a thing for older guys. I don't know why though. I just do. I wish I liked guys my age but I just don't. Recently I've met this guy and he's 35years old and I really really really really like him but I don't know what to do. Help needed. Please don't judge me ):

............................;
confused teen

confused teen,

Many people, especially young women, find an older guy very appealing- they seem more mature, may have more money, education, a good job, possessions, etc. However, by age alone, they also have had many other life experiences than someone much younger has, and this can allow the older person to take advantage of the other (not always intentionally). Bottom line though, it's illegal in most states for a 35 year old to have sex with someone under the age of 18- and it could be punishable by fine or jail time and a police record for being a pedophile. Once you are 18 it's then your decision whether or not you really have enough in common with this person to have more than just a sexual relationship.

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

Im a teenager and its my first time having sex we didnt use a condom but he didnt pop my cherry and afterward i felt bloated and had pain in what felt like my appendix and my bottom half of my stumach I also felt pain in one of my legs it was all on one side of my body that hurt I coildnt sleep is it possible im pregnant I thought you couldnt no until weeks later but its the second day and I still feel bloated is this normal

............................;
sel101766

sel101766 ,

Not everyone bleeds with their first time having sex. Vaginas and penises come in different sizes, and the hymen is meant to stretch. The pain could be from the penis bumping against your cervix or an ovary. If you have any cysts on your ovary (which every woman does at some time in life-most just don't ever know it), having it bumped against can cause a huge amount of pain- kind of equal to a guy getting hit in the testicles. Bad gas or constipation can also cause the pain you describe. You could also be sick with a stomach bug or about to get your period. You're right about not knowing this soon if you're pregnant- you certainly wouldn't be having any symptoms this soon. Pregnancy tests aren't accurate until 10 days after unprotected intercourse, and most women don't know they're pregnant until about 2 months. If your symptoms continue please get checked out for some other problem, and next time you have sex- use a condom (or other birth control). Just cuz a guy doesn’t cum doesn't mean you won't get pregnant. Oh, and you still have time to use emergency contraceptive (the 'morning after pill')-go to your clinic or doctor for it or go to www.not-2-late.com to find a clinic near you.

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

even when on birthcontrol the implant can you get pregnant?

............................;
nena

nena ,

For those who aren't familiar with it- the Implant is a soft, thin, flexible plastic rod with a hormone in it. It's placed under the skin on the inside of the upper arm. It lasts for 3 years. It works the best of any of the methods. However, it's not a 100%. If 2000 women used it for a year, only 1 would get pregnant which is less than 1%. .

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

hey i am having a few symptoms not sure its either a yeast infection or i am pregnet. not sure... symptoms included late period but has been not normal for about 2 months now its only late by 4 days this month and was 2 days late last month n still havnt gotten it this month yet.. but some more symtoms are i have white yunky stuff cumming out of my ... (down there) it doesnt small, its not icky or nuthing like that, the stuff has been cumming out now for 3 days i have been having cramps where i would when i get my period or just b4 my period. i have had headachs nearly everyday now for the past week. also another sign is lower back pain like just above tail bone in between hip, also last nite i didnt feel so well i didnt want to eat and i had the pain u get b4 you have to use the toilet alot for #2 (sorry) i was just wondering what u though b4 i go to the doctor in 2 weeks thanks for you time :)

............................;
shorty

shorty ,

Your symptoms can be from multiple problems. Let's go over them one by one. 1. late periods can be from pregnancy, infections, stress, weight loss/gain, excessive exercise or other medications 2.white stuff from your vagina can be from an infection or hormonal changes due to you cycle, pregnancy or birth control 3.headaches can be due to stress, poor eating habits (not enough food, not enough water, too much caffeine, etc.), not enough sleep, other illnesses, medications, needing glasses, etc. 4. lower back pain can be from an injury, your period, a vaginal infection, poor posture 5. stomach pain or cramps 'like before going #2' can be from a stomach flu, too much fiber, food poisoning or intolerance, medications.......so you can certainly try an over the counter vaginal yeast medication before your appointment. If you're better and you got your period you may not need to see your doctor. If you're not better with it or are getting worse you probably should call them to get an appointment sooner.

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

Hi i was wondering if there was anything wrong with me down there. Iv been sick with stomach problems and still havnt foundd a diagnose. And i have had hpv a few urs ago. The bacteria down there os fine though. I git scared because i have had plenty of sex but never bleed. I havent had sex in a eile about 7months. But lastnight my current boyfriend fingerd me and he said he felt my heymen and then i bleed alot in my underwear. And now just have dry blood coming out with mucus. Should i go to the doctor? Please help

............................;

HPV doesn't cause you to have stomach problems-many other things do such as bacteria, viruses, stress, a bad diet, etc. And not every woman has bleeding after starting to have sex. But certainly if you had a lot of bleeding after any kind of sexual encounter (fingers, penis or other object inserted in a part of your body) it would be good to go to your medical provider to make sure everything is OK.

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

I was wondering if u could tell me if anything is wrong. I am 20 years old i am not a virgin. I have had sex many times before, but never bleed not even for my first time. I havent had sex in a long time. But my boyfriend fungerd me and he said he felt somthing blocking from going further and then i started bleeding. Had blood only in my underwear and i know i dont have my period. What could it be? Should i be worried or go get checked?

............................;
cupcake

cupcake ,

Many people believe the hymen covers the entire vaginal opening- it doesn't. It's sort of like a hair scrunchy with an opening in the center. This lets the menstrual blood out. The size of the opening is different in all women. The size of penises also vary. Many women don't bleed their first time having sex, and some never do no matter how much sex they have. Then there are others who may bleed several times. The bleeding is when some of the skin of the hymen tears. Even putting a tampon in has caused tearing for some women. The same can happen with being fingered. If your boyfriend fingers you again or you try to have sex and have more bleeding or pain you can certainly go have a professional check you out. On rare occasion after some tearing the hymen can heal up in a way where there is some scarring that partially blocks the opening. Your boyfriend also could have touched your cervix and not known what it was (it feels like touching the end of your nose)- and you certainly won't get a penis or fingers beyond that.

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

can a girl as young as 17 legally have sex with a 70 year old man?

............................;
- old picker wood

old picker wood,

It depends on what state you live in. Ages of consent differ state to state and can be anywhere from 16 to 18.

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

I realized that I am bisexual when I was about eleven years old. Most of my friends have either figured it out or I told them. I have told only my mother, my little brother (who is old enough to know), two of my cousins and a family friend. The rest of my family however has no idea, or has suspicions and I know that they disapprove of the LGBT community from hearing their comments about it. This has caused me to become afraid of coming out with the rest of my family. I have thought about it multiple times and just as I get close to telling my grandfather I become scared, even though he is the one I trust most and am closest to in my family. I am afraid to tell them, but am not ashamed of my sexuality because I am friends with many people of the LGBT community. I just don't know how to tell them. I told my mother in a letter one day before I left to school when I was in the seventh grade. I am thinking of doing the same thing when I go off to college across the country next fall. I think it would be easier for me and would help let it sit in with my grandparents, since I currently live with them. I don't know if it would be easier for them to find out in a letter, but it would put me at ease. I don't like to disappoint my family, but I feel finding out would disappoint them. Is this a good way to come out with my family?

............................;
- AlwaysSilent

AlwaysSilent ,

It's going to be difficult no matter how you let your family know about your sexuality. Some people never find the courage while others find that their families are more supportive than they ever would have guessed. Do you have any organizations in your community that support LGBT youth? We have Positive Images (1-866-PI-LGBTQ) here- it's a wonderful organization that can support you through this. If a letter, when you leave for college, feels the most right for you, then by all means do that. There will always be someone who disapproves, and that's usually out of ignorance (whether it's about your sexual orientation, the color of your skin, your religion, etc.). Whatever you do though, remember how brave you've already been by telling those you did, and be true to yourself.

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

When sperm cell hit air do they die on sight?

............................;
- Ivy

Ivy ,

They can't live outside the body so once they cool down they're on their way to dying. I don't have exact time frame but it would be very quickly-within moments.

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

My boyfriend is in the military, and I don't see him very often. We were planning to have sex when he comes home on leave. Is it worth it to go on birth control when I'll only see him in person a couple of times a year, and my periods are already regular? Or would just a condom be okay?

............................;
- Rosie

Rosie ,

It really depends on when you ovulated and the timing of who you had sex with around that time. Most women have a 28 day cycle- day one is the first day of one period, day 28 is the first day of the next period. Typically ovulation is right in the middle at day 14. An egg lasts about a day while sperm live up to a week. So if you have sex from day 7-14 that is your most fertile time IF your cycle is 28 days and you actually ovulate when expected. None of this can be guaranteed ahead of time. So...we need to know how long your cycle is and when in the cycle you had sex to really do the math and get a better idea. PS-precum has very, very few if any sperm-again though no guarantees.

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

My boyfriend is in the military, and I don't see him very often. We were planning to have sex when he comes home on leave. Is it worth it to go on birth control when I'll only see him in person a couple of times a year, and my periods are already regular? Or would just a condom be okay?

............................;
- manda

manda ,

Good question. Some women go off and on birth control (patches, pills, Depo, ring) when they only see there partners occasionally. This works for some women when they plan far enough in advance to have been on their method long enough for it to be effective by the time their partner is around. Others don't plan well or have unexpected side effects- irregular bleeding, nausea, etc. that get in the way of their visit. Condoms are a good method- when they're used properly (all the time when any fluids are being exchanged) and if they don't break. Of course there is the morning after pill for accidents. And then there are those women who choose something like an IUD or implant so that they don't have to go on and off of something or have to be using something that takes more time to do (pill, patch, ring, Depo), when they aren't being with a partner. Bottom line-it's whatever works best for you and makes you feel protected enough.

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

I'm 18, and I'm having issues with libido. I'm abstinent, but I like feeling frisky (even though that feeling is a rarity for me.) I find it very hard to get turned on, and when I do, the sensation doesn't usually last very long. I DO know of a couple things that turn me on, but I want more things to turn me on, and I want the sensation to last. I can think really dirty thoughts and not feel turned on at all. I can even see guys naked and not feel a thing... (maybe I'd do well as a doctor hahahahaha) but anyways, I am very frustrated with this. I do feel sexual attraction to my boyfriend, but I don't feel turned on much, even when he kisses me in places like my neck or shoulders. I'm thinking I might have a hormone imbalance or am I just sexually dysfunctional? I feel really inadequate and a little depressed, even, when I think about this problem. I really want to fix this problem because my boyfriend has a very high sex drive, and I don't want it to ruin my future with him. He does his best to make me feel good and try to help with my problem, but nothing seems to be working. I used to have a high sex drive when I was much younger, but now I don't seem to have much of one. In the past, somewhere along the way I got it into my head that sexual feelings, thoughts, and desires were wrong but now I'm also trying to find a way to view it as ok again. Any advice or suggestions? Is there any way to boost my sex drive or help me fix my problem?

............................;
- WolvessQueen

WolvessQueen ,

A person's libido can be affected by many things- medications (especially hormonal birth control methods), fluctuations in hormone levels (aging, pregnancy, puberty, menopause, etc.), relationship difficulties, depression, stress, fatigue, etc. The list goes on and on, especially for women who overall tend to be more sensitive to these issues. Now if you've learned to think of sexuality and all that goes along with it as wrong, this would definitely be affect your libido. I would really encourage you to talk to a therapist. Sexuality is a normal, and healthy part of being a human being. That doesn't mean, however, that we all have the same level of desire. Some people have none, while others like your boyfriend have a 'very high' sex drive. The majority of people are somewhere in between. So please, find a therapist you can explore these issues with, and if you're on a hormonal birth control method talk to your provider about how this could be affecting you and if there's something else you can try...and oh, all those ads in magazines and late night TV about aids to help you-they don't work, they just make you poorer.

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

My boyfriend and I had sex two days after my period ended. (My period ended 10-2-12 and I had sex on 10-4-12). We used a condom and I always checked to see if it was still on or if it was about to slip. I even put water in the condom to see if it would leak or if holes were in it after we had used it. No water leaks or holes were there. A couple days later, I had really loud grumbling noises in my stomach and had bad diarreha. Then two days after that I had diarreha in the morning and also felt nauseos. But once I went to the bathroom that day my stomach felt like it was back to normal. But lately I've been seeing myself getting fatter and I've been getting small stomach rumbles here and then and sometimes feel nauseos. I'm not supposed to get my period until the 27th of October but I feel very scared and worried. Is my digestive system acting up? Or, could I be pregnant?

............................;
- Anonymous

Anonymous,

Congratulations on being so thorough checking on your condoms. It really sounds like you had a stomach problem with the grumbling and nausea. The noises you're hearing are gas bubbles moving around. We have bacteria that lives in our intestines that helps break down food but as a byproduct gas is produced. Certain foods can produce more amounts of gas- things like broccoli, cabbage, bread products, dairy products, carbonated beverages, and so on. The weight gain is from whatever you're eating-whether it's more in quantity or higher calorie amounts, or maybe your activity level is different. But if your period doesn't come when you're expecting definitely go get a pregnancy test. You also might consider getting on a more effective birth control method so you're not worrying so much.

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

If you are taking birth control and are just finishing up your period and a penis goes into the the vaginal opening about 1/3 of an inch in, and there is a little bit of pre cum, what is the likely hood of getting pregnant???

............................;
- Alex

Alex,

If you are taking your birth control correctly you're protected against pregnancy throughout your cycle, including the time during your period. So no you aren't at risk for pregnancy (even with full ejaculation).

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

so I’m 15, I’ll be 16 in twelve days and I might be pregnant. I live in Kansas and my boyfriend is 18 , he’ll be 19 in almost 6 months. I think my parents might try to call the cops on him and I was wondering my rights. I’ll be sixteen and he’s not over 21 so it should be okay , right? Isn’t there an age where you have the rights to your own body?

............................;
- ToniB

ToniB,

In Kansas anyone who has sex with someone under 16 is breaking the law. Even though you'll be 16 in a few days, if you're pregnant, you obviously had sex before you turned 16. So in theory, yes your parents could try to have your boyfriend arrested or bring charges against him.

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

Does the health clinic at Elsie Allen give...abortions?

............................;
- CS

CS,

We only do pregnancy tests here. We then help a girl sign up for a type of confidential, temporary Medi-Cal (if she doesn't have other insurance) that will pay for what ever choice she chooses. Next we discuss and give her a list of options for each of her choices- continuing a pregnancy, choosing abortion, or choosing to adopt the baby out. We don't do abortions, give the 'abortion pill', or do prenatal care here.

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

In the state of georgia if someone is over 20 years old and have sex with someone 16 years old with their consent can there be legal action against the one over 20 years old?

............................;
- jake

jake,

The legal age to give consent to have sex in Georgia is 16. There is however still a law in Georgia that says it's illegal to have sex if you're not married, and a Google search says people are still getting charged with this. So if someone (like the parent of the 16 year old) isn't happy about your relationship they could take legal action against you regardless if the 16 year old gave consent or not.

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

Cutters. Very taboo. Unfortunatly it's a problem. Or, maybe is the problem the person knowing they have a problem and not wanting help? I'm really confused here. It feels good but when it's over you have t think of new ways to hide. I come from a broken home. I have 3 siblings, well really i have 2 because my younger brother told me recently that (and i quote) 'You give crap orders, you are irresponsible and i just dont like you'. Then he punched me. I so desperatly want to run away. But, where could i go where they wouldn't find me? I dont know if you can help but i figured id have nothing to lose. Oh, dont suggest councillors cuz i dont trust them. i despise them. and sorry but i cant tell you why. I refuse to go down that path again... Sorry for not making much sense, i'm just tired of the yelling and hurting and voices in my head telling me different things. i know i sound crazy but please try to help. Thnx

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- TheWalkingDead

TheWalkingDead,

You don't sound crazy, but you do sound like you're in a lot of emotional pain. Cutting is a problem for many reasons- the risk for infection, the risk for a mistakenly deep cut, shame, fear, etc. But mostly it's a problem because although it's a temporary way to cope with your emotional pain it won't fix any of your problems. I'm sorry to hear that you had such a bad experience with counselors in the past. They're all not bad and sometimes you have to try a couple of ones out to find the best one for you. So I hope that some day you can trust one again who can help you find other ways to deal with your pain that are healthier. PS- little brothers can be cruel

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

Im kinda worried cuz ihave been bleeding for more than two weeks.its not alot of blood but too many days..and ive been having alot of stomach pains..n headaches..like around may igot on birthcontrol.n using the shot.before igt the shot iwas having sex with no protection..when I got the shot ihad sex that same day..n the next day too..iwant to know why im bleeding..at first ithought it was my period but.ihas been more than two weeks now.im scared.

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- Nc

Nc,

The bleeding could be caused by a couple of things. For a few women when they first start Depo they can have bleeding that goes on and on- it will eventually stop (sometimes it takes getting the next Depo shot for this to happen). The fact that you had unprotected sex around the time you started the shot means you definitely need a pregnancy test (whether you were bleeding or not you need to check this out). All of the symptoms you're having could be because you started the shot, or that you're worried, or that you're stressed. Either way I hope you got back to the clinic and got checked.

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

My boyfriend and I engaged in anal sex last night. He wore a condom and he did not ejaculate. Is there still a chance I may have become pregnant? Also, is it normal to experience pain the first time? Thanks.

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- Music42011

Music42011,

You have absolutely no chance of pregnancy. It's very common to experience pain with anal sex whether it's your first or 1000th time. The size of your partner, how relaxed you are, the force of the sex, etc. can all make a difference. Glad to hear you used a condom since there are infections other than STDs that can occur with anal sex. And always remember that the choice to have anal sex is yours and if you don't want to do it again you can say no- not everyone is doing it.

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

hi im bi male i have been chatting with a gut that keeps on hitting on me online im 52 yo he says he is of legal age he is 17 and want to meet is he right nothing illegal bout that

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- dumber

dumber,

It depends on what state you are in. 17 may still be under age for legal consent. You can Google these laws for your state.

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

Well I'm a overweight seven-teen yr. old that's about 200 something lbs. And I'd like to be as healthy as I can because I don't want to die because of cancer, heart failure, diabetes or any of those other other horrid diseases. But when I start a diet and start exercising I either get bored of it, and get really unmotivated or I just stop because I don't know if I'm doing anything right. How should I eat? Health wise? Should I just stick to salad? How should I exercise? For how long exactly? Should I consult a doctor about it? What should I start with? If you could answer my questions, I would be more then thankful.

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- Dest

Dest,

Congratulations on being ready to live a healthier life and reduce or remove your chances of those diseases you mentioned. Diets don't work, cuz like you said, they're boring and they're usually not something you can stick to after you quit them so you just gain the weight back. So instead of a diet you need to find a healthier lifestyle which includes a healthier diet in the general sense of the word. First, start with fruits and vegetables. Ideally we need a minimum of 5 servings a day (the size of a regular sized fist). If you just like oranges then just eat them- it doesn’t matter (except that you'll miss out on all kinds of other wonderful fruits and vegetables. If right now you only eat 2 servings, try to eat 3. After a couple of weeks try a fourth. Learn to be sneaky about it- put salsa on everything if you like salsa, add another slice of tomato to your sandwich, etc. When you eat more of these (of course without the cheese sauce and ranch dressing) you end up eating less of other things. Also try this same plan with water, aiming to eventually get to at least 5 glasses a day. Sometimes when we're hungry we just need a big glass of water (add cucumber or lemon for taste). And if you drink a glass before a meal, you'll eat on average 70 less calories which is about a pound every other week. Get rid of white- mayo, cream sauces, white bread/rice and potatoes. Also get rid of fried things-broil, steam and bake instead. And soda, juice, fancy coffee drinks are all CRAP! Lean proteins are also needed- fish, chicken without the skin, eggs, low-fat milk and yogurt.

Exercise- anything that gets you to move is good. If you hate exercise at the gym try a walk, a bike ride, dancing, Zumba, walk the dog or your neighbors dog. Mix it up so it doesn't get boring. And start slow if you don't like it, try 10 minutes a day, then after a week try 15. Work up to an hour a day, which can be at intervals and doesn't have to be all at once. Talk your friends and relatives into doing different days or activities with you.

These are a lot of suggestions- don't try them all at once- that just sets us up to fail. Pick a couple to work on and as you progress (which I have absolute faith you will) add in others. And yes you could see your doctor if you want more info or testing for cholesterol or diabetes. And 2 last things to remember- it takes about a month for a change to be a habit, and it took you 17 years to get to this stage so don't expect to get to your goal overnight. Besides, slow steady weight loss is more successful and you learn a lifestyle that you can follow for the rest of your life. .

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

What if you never had sex and your pussy is hanging open ?

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- zoma

zoma,

Many people mistakenly think that the vagina is completely closed by the hymen until a woman has some kind of sexual contact that breaks open the hymen ("popping your cherry"). The opening to the vagina is naturally open, and depending how relaxed the woman is, and in what position she is in, it can look like it's really open and large or very small and closed.

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

I keep having these sexual urges and its bothersome.Since it gets me turned on most of the time.At school,home,and outside of school.For example if someone says something sexual which is most of the time by kids in my age range.Or if i walk by the men's restroom at school or the boys locker room .I get turned on and masturbating isn't working anymore.Since after i did that i was still turned on the only thing it did do was relax my muscles not get rid of my urges.And its making me frustrated.Its giving me a difficult time falling asleep.And i just can't take it anymore.Thank you for the help i really appreciate it .

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- Thunderkat15

Thunderkat15 ,

Dealing with strong sexual desires can be very difficult, but absolutely normal. Almost everyone has or has had these urges on different levels of intensity. During puberty they can be particularly strong. This however, isn't the green light to go and have sex if you're not physically and emotionally ready for it. Masturbating helps to some degree and is also entirely normal. Other ways to help deal with these urges is to keep your self as busy as possible to try to fill your mind with other things like work, chores, and hobbies. Getting lots of exercise also really helps to use up some of that energy. With time it will get better (unfortunately it won't be soon). Good luck to you.

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

im replying to your reply to my question, no I am not in california. and yes him as well as me is not interested in having sex. we simply would like to have a relationship together as in Bf/Gf. like ive said besides the age diff me:16 him 20.

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- understanding

understanding ,

As long as you guys aren't having sex it's not against the law for you to hang out. But as far as having the OK to go ahead with a relationship, that'll have to come from your parents since I still feel the age difference is not appropriate.

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

Hi I live in Canada and was wondering, okay, see me and my bf have had sex but our parents don't know that we're dating (due to religious reasons) and I think i might be preganant. I took a pregnancy test before and it said negative, then i took another one a few months after and that said positive and i took another one after another couple months and that one said negative again. I want to go to a walk-in clinic to get a blood test but I was wondering if I could do it legally without my parents consent? I'm 15 turning 16 but my birthday's in September and if I am pregnant i don't want my parents to know. Can you help me?

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- P

P,

The age of consent in Canada is 16. That means to have sex legally with a partner of similar age you need to 16 years old. I'm in the US and laws here are slightly different. To get the best and most accurate information please call a teen clinic or a Planned Parenthood in your town. They'll be able to give you the best advice about the laws in Canada. You definitely need to go for testing so that you can either get prenatal care, an abortion, or birth control.

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

I am 18 years old and I'm a cutter. I hate myself a lot, and I want to stop but then I don't. When I cut everything feels better! I also hate eating and I hate myself when I eat. Now I get full really fast and I hate consuming a lot of calories. I find myself thinking that I'm finally hitting rock bottom and I don't see myself turning around. I know this is wrong, but I stopped caring about who I use to be. I don't remember much about my childhood. I don't remember the last time I was truly happy. I'm a lonely person, I don't have many friends, actually I only have 2. This is the first time in high school that I actually sit with people in the lunch room, I use to hide in the bathroom or go to the library. Everyone looks so perfect, I wish I was. I wish I could be perfect , but I'm not. I really wish I was!

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- ff

ff,

No one is perfect, no matter how they look from the outside. You'd probably be surprised at how many people have or have had thoughts like yours. Feelings of self-hatred have their roots from somewhere in your life (for many it's due to abuse- and that may be why you don't/can't remember your childhood). Cutting and controlling food are about wanting some kind of control. A counselor would be able to help you work through these feelings and find a healthier way to deal with them. You deserve to find some happiness, so please I hope you can talk to someone soon.

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

Hello I am a teen, now I have read, researched, and lastly asked people on their thought about older guys dating younger girls (Vise-versa). Anyhow here is my story ... I am A teen like Ive mentioned I like guys my own age However I seem to be more attracted to older guys (20-22) no more. I have respect for myself Im not gonna go ahead and say Im Fully ''Mature'' but I am Understanding Now people say that maturity Plays a key Role In young girls dating older men I honestly believe me Do not like the Idea of ''sex'' It just simply does not sound attract me I have no Need or want too Have any type of sexual Intercourse with anyone. I have had plenty boyfriends before and I have been In many situations where I have been pressured to have sex I am proud to say all those times Ive said No,Believe me when I say I will not have sex till I am married. I am 16 he is 20. set aside all the '' hes to old for you, hes maturer than you'' remarks and think I like him he likes me. He till know is respecting me has not brought up the topic of any type of sexual Intercourse, I flat out told him If sex Is what your looking for nothing is gonna happen. ok with that being said we actually have/are developing strong feelings for each other set aside the age difference and think for the two of us we like each other. yes hes older, yes Im younger but do you think it be bad for us to go out? as In Boyfriend Girlfriend No sex Intended No sexual things happening only Kissing/ holding hands and Cuddling like being all Huggie -Huggie With that Being could we go out? and feel secure with having a Gf/Bf relationship... thank you and Goobye Hope to hear from you soon.

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- Understanding

Understanding,

I'm glad to hear you're not sexually involved with this 20 year old. I'm going to assume you're here in California. If so, if you were to be sexually involved, your friend if found out could go to jail. You said you weren't interested in having sex, which is absolutely fine. Does your friend feel the same? The problem with the age difference is that younger women tend to be eventually pressured by their older partner to do things (and of course I'm referring to sex). So then I obviously can't tell you it's OK to go forward with this relationship. If, however, when you're 18 he's still interested, then yes by all means see where it leads for the two of you.

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

My bff wants to dry hump will anything happen

Thank You ............................;
- jj

jj,

So, dry humping is imitating sexual acts (usually grinding pelvis' together) while your clothes are still on and all you genitalia, or parts, are still covered up. It's a great way not to get pregnant or catch diseases. Some people can come doing this. The only 'danger' is getting carried away and removing clothing and doing things you may not have wanted to do or weren't prepared to do.

Dear Elsie, --------------..........

hey there is guy in my class who is very shy and my friend said he likes me by how he always smiling, joking around and help or sometimes doing my work for me etc but i'm not really sure if he does do you know how a shy guy likes you? thanks

Thank You ............................;
- SOS

SOS,

It's sounds very possible that shy guy likes you and doesn't know how else to talk to you. If you feel the same then definitely keep talking to him and hopefully some day he'll be brave enough to take the next step, and if he can't you certainly could try asking him out. Whether you're a guy or a girl, when you're shy it's hard to approach someone you're interested in and a little help is always appreciated.