Dear Elsie......................... .. I have been having sex for two years. Sometimes I think it would be fun to try to experiment with toys but I don't know where to get them or what to get. I am also not 18 yet, so can I even buy them? Curiously yours, Toy Question

Hey there Curious About Toys!

This is a tricky question because it really depends on where you live. Assuming you live in California (and this applies to most states), you can't legally purchase sex toys until the age of 18. So when you do turn 18, you can vote, buy cigarettes(not that we condone smoking), get piercing and tattoos, and buy sex toys. Why 18? Well, that's when you're legally able to consent to have sex in the state of California. But here's the tricky part.

In reality, if you're underage, you could legally buy sex toys in this country and you wouldn't get jail time for it. The tricky part is that the packages and boxes in which the vibrators and "massagers" must be 'Family-friendly.' Meaning, the box doesn't show a nude or scantily clad girl clearly using it for erotic purposes... or a large penis on the box.

The sex toys are often marketed as:

• Back massagers
• Neck massagers
• Virating toothbrushes
• Vibrating brushes
• In fact, Trojan sells vibrating enchancement rings in many drugstores that are legal to buy. They just don’t call them “cock rings,” dildos, and clitoral stimulators. Those names are reserved for sex toys in sex shops.

So yeah, it’s not illegal to buy them – just  make sure you REALLY read and pay attention to the product and what they’re ultimately selling because sometime, a vibrating toothbrush could really just be a toothbrush that vibrates.

However, what is illegal is showing or SELLING pornographic material to minors, and that’s why it’s illegal for anyone under 18 to go into a sex shop since sex shops carry pornographic movies and toys with sexually explicit images on packages.

And before I forget, it's REALLY IMPORTANT that you remember that you can purchase condoms and lubes, as well as spermicides, foams, etc over-the-counter at any drugstore when you are ANY AGE. It's still legal for minors to buy contraceptions.

Here are some VERY useful links to using sex toys for a beginners. Where to start, how to get them, and most of all, keeping your toys clean after every use.

Beginner's Guide to Sex Toys

This Guide is good too...

And this one; it's also a tutorial!

Good luck! Have fun!

Dear Elsie........................ How do I find out whether I am attractive? I have always believed that I am plain. I try to dress well and take care of myself, but my face and body simply aren't going to stop traffic. I have a good sense of humor, am a good conversationalist, and have lots of friends. I have had romantic relationships, but not in a very long time. I chalk that up to circumstance, timing, chemistry, and (honestly) my plainness. Men are visually oriented, and I think I have an honest understanding of what society considers attractive. As a result, I don't flirt. To me, there is little more pathetic than an unattractive woman flirting as though she is hot stuff. But my friends want me to find someone, so they tell me to engage in behaviors that I don't think jibe with what I look like—dress provocatively, flirt, try to be seductive. They tell me that I am attractive, but they are either lying or trying to make me feel better. How do I find out? And does it matter whether I am objectively attractive?

Hi Plain Jane,

I've never seen you, yet I can guarantee that you are much better looking than you think you are, and your friends are sick of your unstyled hair, your baggy clothes, your unflattering glasses, your comfy shoes, and your face untouched by makeup. Don't be surprised if they have discussed having an intervention and nominating you to be on What Not To Wear. You probably have striking eyes, or great bone structure, or lovely legs, and they can't understand why you want to go through life presenting yourself as a walking Hefty bag. I think you're protecting yourself from rejection by your own pre-emptive approach of daring any man to find you attractive. If you actually made an effort to look and act alluring, and men didn't respond, that would hurt. So you do everything you can to scream, "I am not interested in an encounter with the opposite sex!" And when they get your message, you proudly say you will not be the kind of woman who humiliates herself by using the devices of seduction. I say, listen to your friends when they tell you it's time for a makeover. That doesn't mean you have to come off like some desperate hussy. It means using the expertise of a makeup artist and a personal shopper to polish up your exterior so that you can draw in potential suitors who will then be delighted with your sterling qualities.

Dear Elsie, --------------.......... Is it possible to give a guy a yeast infection? ...................................;-Just 1dering

It’s uncommon, but it does happen. A man can develop similar symptoms—redness, itching, or unusual discharge – after having unprotected sex with an infected partner. He’s especially at risk if he is taking antibiotics, has diabetes, or has an impaired immune system (all of which can allow yeast to flourish) or if he’s uncircumcised. The foreskin creates a moist environment that is conducive to yeast growth. Over-the-counter antifungal medicine can be used to treat this condition, but it’s best to hold off on having sex until your symptoms—and his—are completely gone. That way, you won’t risk reinfecting each other.

Dear Elsie, --------------......... My boyfriend and I were "fooling" around and he ejaculated in the jazzuci water. Is it possible for me to become pregnant this way? ------..................... .........;-In Hot H20

Probaby not. The high heat and chlorine chemical in the jazzuci would have likely killed any sperm. Never say never however -- there have been stranger stories. You should always use protection such as condoms when you're having sex on land, on water, or whereever, just to be safe. While a single ejaculation from a guy can have up to 120 million sperm, it only takes ONE for you to be pregnant.

Dear Elsie, --------------......... I'm 17 years old female and lately, I've been wondering about my sexuality. I think I'm sexually attracted to girls; thinking about them definitely makes me feel more aroused and I got turned on when I kissed girls and I had girls as sexual partners before too. But for some reason, I feel like I'm not emotionally connecting with girls on the same level as I do with boys. My best friends and most of my friends are males. When I think about my future partner, I always fantasized about having a husband, but I know I don't want to have sex with males because they don't turn me on like girls. Am I a lesbian or what? -............................;-Confused & Dazed

What you're feeling is absolutely okay. Part of growing up and developing as a teen is questioning and defining your sexuality. Could you be a lesbian? Could you be bisexual? The thing is, who we are attracted to in our teen years isn't set in stone. Our attraction may change when we hit our 20's, 30's, 40's, 70's, etc. Our sexuality changes as we change, as we go out and explore the diverse world. You get the idea. It's common for many teens to think of bisexuality as a 50/50 equality rule, but that's now how many people work in the real world.

Our sexuality isn't defined by just who we are attracted to. It also includes the gender roles we played, our relationships w/ our friends and family, sexual fantasies, emotional preferences (as in, who'd we rather confide in), and social preferences (as in, who we rather hang out with).

If you take this survey, a modified Klein Sexual Orientation scale, it can give you a clearer picture of who you're sexually attracted to by taking into account into your past, present, and future preferences.

My advice for right now would be to just lead with your heart and your head, and pursue the relationships which feel best to you and your partners, sexually, emotionally and otherwise. What I think matters most about any kind of relationship is that anyone involved in it feels benefitted by it, able to really be themselves, and is cared for, accepted and respected. If in any relationship, all of that is going on for you and who you're with, it's always a good thing, even if that relationship is not one you'll have for your whole life.

Give yourself space and time to grow, and permission not to magically have everything figured out or miraculously feel the same about every single person you're with based on gender or any other single criteria. Not only is it okay not to have your whole interpersonal life figured out before you graduate from high school, it's neither likely nor necessary to be happy and to have happy, healthy and mutually-beneficial relationships.

Dear Elsie, ----------....----..... I've been hearing the term "dental dam" being tossed around a lot by my friends. What is it exactly? And how do I use it? .................... -DD CuriousCat

Hi DDCuriousCat!
Bravo for being curious! And there’s certainly nothing wrong with not knowing much about dental dams—they’re a fairly recent safer sex practice. Traditionally, dental dams are used by dentists to drape over the mouth for cavity filling or whatever else. In regards to safer sex practices, dental dam is use for oral sex (cunnilugus) and oral-anal sex (analingus or ‘rimming’) to protect against certain sexually transmitted diseases like genital herpes and HIV.

After lubricating the dam with a water-based lube, the dam should be place over the entire vulva during oral sex to prevent the possible transmission of the HIV virus form the vagina o the mouth or the mouth to the vagina. Spread the dam over the entire vulva, covering both the vaginal opening and clitoris, holding 2 edges of the dam with your hands.

Dental dams (or known as vaginal dam aka ‘denal’ dams) can be bought at your local pharmacies or sex toy shops without a prescription, but it can be fairly expensive. A cheaper alternative is to cut a condom into a square. Remember, never share the same damn. Never reuse one, and always use separate dams if you’re practicing both oral-vaginal and oral-anal sex, because anal organisms like bacteria can cause infection in the vagina.

Dear Elsie, -----......----------Some of my friends are on "the pill" but I have no idea where to get them, how to get them, or if I have to worry about my parents knowing if I have them. Help please! Dear CaBC, Only your medical provider (FNP, M.D./D. O, P. A) can prescribed the “pills” to you. In order to see whether or not birth control pill is a good option for you (i.e., you have no risk), they will have to evaluate your physical health and medical history. --------------------------------..--- ,,,---- Clueless about BC

If you don't want your parents to know that you're seeking the pill. If you are a minor (under eighteen years), and you live in the United States, you have rights to confidential reproductive health care. What this means is that unless you consent or give permission to your health care provider, s/he cannot disclose your medical records to anyone, including your parents (except in the case of abortion services, which depends on your particular state's law). Additionally, since no state or federal laws exist at the present time that would prevent minors from obtaining contraception, teens don't need parental consent or notification to get birth control pills, condoms, emergency contraception, and other contraceptive choices.