While these questions seem far-fetched and unrelatable today, can you think of any myths and misconceptions you or you friends used to have about sex and birth control?

Dear Elsie, .......................I’m 17 years old and I’m not ready to be a Mom yet. My neighbor Soranus, a well-known Greek gyno told me about several ways to prevent pregnancy. He suggests I hold my breath and drawing my body back during sex so the sperm won’t penetrate the mouth of my uterus. He also said that I could dislodge sperms by jumping backward 7 times after sex. Is what he’s saying true? It sounds… weird. I know I’m not ready to be a mom yet but I want to take the next step in my relationship with Achilles. ....... --GreekGurl_98AD

Hey GreekGurl_98AD,

You’re right to be unsure about Dr. Soranus’s suggestions – they sound pretty ancient Greek and outdated contraceptive methods to me. The assumption that by jumping backward or provoking sneezes to stimulate the movement of sperm away from the uterus sounds pretty mythical, like Medusa’s hair of snakes. The real fact is, there are 300 million sperm that swim up into the cervix almost instantly after ejaculation, so there’s really no real way to “dislodge” sperm by moving your entire body. Once they get in there, they’re there for 5 days, waiting to fertilize your egg. Twist and shout all you want, but the only way to prevent unwanted pregnancy is to use a barrier method form of birth control like condoms, the pills, IUD, etc. You might have to wait a couple of centuries for an effective form of birth control since you’re in Ancient Greece and everything, but for us modern 21st Century people, effective forms of birth control are widely available.

Dear Elsie, .................... There’s this new disease raging about town called syphilis. I took the suggestion from my pharaoh about using a fabric sheath… let’s call it a condom – to cover my penis to prevent disease. Think this will work? Or will I join the afterlife with my cats and be mummified soon? .-LimpLikeAnEgyptian1500BC

Hey Egyptian1500BC,
Sounds like you got a plan. Well, since it’s 1500 BC – it’ll be at least a millennium before you find a somewhat rudimentary form of condom that would prevent you from contracting STDs. From what we’re working with right now, there are only a couple of methods available to you. Your female partners could used crocodile dung mixed with honey and smear that on their cervix. It’s a bit unsanitary, but somewhat popular with its rate of effectiveness (30% effective). Supposedly, I’ve heard of this ‘condom’ made of fabric sheath, in which a fabric is wrapped around your penis to stop you from catching venereal diseases. Like I said earlier, the condom you’re using is basic at best and not at all great at preventing STIs like syphilis. If you wait around a couple of millennia, you’ll find that the only material from which condoms are made from, that are effective at both preventing pregnancy AND STIs are latex and polyurethane. Even condoms made with lambskin won’t protect you from STIs and HIV.

For now, I suggest you keep it in your pants to prevent contracting syphilis and all types of STIs if you can’t get a hold of this latex condom. If you’re in a monogamous relationship, you’ll have a lesser chance of getting syphilis, but you have to make sure both you and your partners have been tested and everything is fine. The more people you sleep with, the greaterlikelihood of you getting syphilis. So use a condom if you have one, if not, then that’s a decision you have to live with.

Dear Elsie, .......................... I don’t want any more kids – 2 is enough. I’m only 21 years old now and they’re draining me of my limited resources. My husband doesn’t want any more either, but we’re afraid of even being physically intimate because there’s a good chance I’ll get pregnant. I tried counting my natural rhythm cycle by observing farm animals, but that resulted in the 2 kids. My girlfriends said I should wash my ‘lady parts’ with vinegar or some kind of herbal solution after each sexual act. I really can’t find any more information than from what my friends told me. Is it safe? Will it prevent me from having more kids? .-VictorianQTPie1870

Dear VictorianQTPie,

Sounds like you have tons of responsibilities right now and taking on a 3rd child would really put on the end of the rope, so to speak. A lot of women in your era (that is, late 19th Century) and beyond feel your frustrations. Unfortunately Comstock Law from the 1880s made it illegal for contraceptive methods to be advertised and distributed – something about lewd and indecent and the need to protect the virtue of young ladies like you; which unfortunately, leaves women everywhere a bit ignorant and confused about birth control methods and nowhere to find information. But not to worry, the laws will be repealed in about 80 years or so. Anyway, back to your problem. Washing your “lady parts” after every sexual act with vinegar, lead ointment, cedar oil, liquid chlorine, or even lysol cleaner -- is commonly known as “douching”.

A common form of early birth control, the idea is that douching after sex will wash out the sperm and protect against pregnancy. The truth is, you can’t douche fast enough to catch the sperm, and douching may even help the sperm reach the tubes faster. Douching has been used since the ancient times, but it’s NOT very effective. While acidic solutions like vinegar will kill sperm, the chances that it’ll kill the sperm in your vagina after intercourse is minimum and low at best.

Douching with caustic solutions like lead ointment or lysol cleaner can cause internal burns and scarring, decrease sexual sensitivity,and actually upsets the chemical balance of the vagina, making a woman more susceptible to all manner of infections. Mucous secretions and friendly bacteria, the vagina’s natural police force, are depleted by douching -- making the neighborhood safe for undesirables. Women who douche regularly experience more irritation and infections than those who don’t, and they are more likely to develop bacterial vaginosis (a notoriously odiferous affliction), as well as pelvic inflammatory disease. Both have serious negative implications for fertility and pregnancy.   

Dear Elsie, ........................ All right, so I have a relatively new boyfriend right now and he’s hotter than the Sahara Desert (I should know, I live there!). I find it hard to keep my hands off of him and vice versa, especially since it can get pretty lonely traveling all the time like the nomads we are. We’re both a little young to marry and my Dad thinks my boyfriend isn’t good enough for my dowry, so for now, we’re keeping our relationship on the down-low. The problem is, pregnancy can destroy our cover. I noticed that the men in our tribes often put a stone or rock in the vagina of our female camels and my Dad said it’s so that the camels won’t get pregnant and delay our journey. Do you think it’ll work with me? .-HotArabianNite15

Hey HotArabianNite15,

First of all, thanks for writing to us about your inquiries despite the lack of existence of a computer in 15 A.D. Okay, so yeah  -- what your Dad is doing is a pretty common form of early birth control – even if it is on a female camel. By inserting  a stone or pellet in the uterus of the female camel, he is actually preventing the camel from getting pregnant by causing irritation to the uterine lining. In other words, the fertilized egg can’t deposit in the uterus and grow and thus, no babies. Would I suggest that you put a rock in your uterus to prevent pregnancy? No way! You would get sick and hurt your internal organs (not to mention, it sounds painful!).

Using a stone or rock to insert in the vagina is called a pessary and there are many different types of pessaries around the world used by many women. A pessary is a vaginal suppository used to kill sperm and/or block their passage through the cervix. This method was popular in pre-industrial societies, especially Africa; here women used plugs of chopped grass or cloth. Balls of bamboo tissue paper were used by Japanese prostitutes, wool by Islamic and Greek women, linen rags by Slavic women. The sponge used by Ancient Jews was considered the most effective contraceptive in use until the development of the diaphragm. The sea sponge was wrapped in silk with a string attached.

Of course, these are all primitive forms of today's cervical caps, diaphragms, and other types of cervical barriers. Even though cervical barriers are more effective, they are still used with spermicide, Nonoxynol-9 that must be applied BEFORE sex in order to kill sperm.