The first time I tried on my engagement ring I felt like I was exactly where I should be. Here I was –  my first step to happily ever after: I had the ring, the carriage (in the guise of a Saturn Ion), and Prince Charming. And he was very charming… right up until the day he punched me in the face. As I laid there in a pool of my own blood I thought back to the beginning and tried to piece everything together.

I don’t know when it started or how we got to that point. As a child, I watched my mother and father hit one another and vowed I would never let myself perpetuate that cycle. I also ignored all the warning signs I recognized. I kept silent when he called me names, told no one when he left me to walk home in the rain only to find

Fast Fact: Of the women between the ages 15-19 murdered each year, 30% are killed by their husband or boyfriend.

he’d locked me out, and covered up the bruises from the time he got upset and “accidently pushed me into the coffee table”. I listened to apology after apology, but despite his words of change I found the only one changing was me: gone was the strong, independent girl always ready to share her opinions and never letting anyone make her feel worthless.

The fact was I no longer recognized myself. The girl I’d become constantly walked on eggshells –  reminding myself of topics not to bring up for fear it might set him off, going out of my way to please him, overworking myself both at my job and at home so that he could have time to himself. I remember asking him to go to the grocery store being met with my head slammed into the wall. My 21st birthday spent being held down on the ground and punched repeatedly – all while being told how his actions were my fault because I constantly “pissed him off to the point that he wanted to kill me”.

Despite all this I remained in the relationship. I held onto the hope that he would change. After all we don’t stay with abusive men who abuse us all the time. It’s when they apologize, make up for their actions, go out of their way to make us feel special – that’s what keeps us tied to them. We see the potential for who they could be and ponder how we can change ourselves to produce the desired behavior. Little do we know that their behavior really has nothing to do with us. If you are or ever have been in an abusive relationship you know that no matter how perfect you act

Fast Fact: Nearly 1 in 5 teenage girls who have been in a relationship said a boyfriend had threatened violence or self-harm if presented with a break-up.

or how many ways you bend backwards to please someone they will always strike again – the fact is they are unhappy with themselves and are looking for someone to take it out on.

The last night I saw the charming Prince was on July 3rd, 2008. I couldn’t tell you what we were arguing about or how it escalated to the point of no return. I know that I was tired of fighting and for the first time I can remember I decided to walk away, to try and calm down the situation. He had other plans though. I watched as he tore my laptop to pieces with his bare hands. Watched as threw the pieces at me before jerking me towards him and taking a swing at my face. After that he said a few choice words and walked away. I don’t remember screaming but I know I must have been because he came back into the room yelling for me to be quiet – and then he noticed the blood pouring from my head. He started freaking out, crying, apologizing. As I sat there bleeding and trying to comfort him I kept thinking to myself ‘I could’ve died tonight. He could’ve killed me. I would never have seen my sister or my parents again. How did it get to this point..?’ That night the last shred of pity I had for him disappeared. I no longer blamed myself, no longer hoped he would change, no longer had any desire to lie to myself. I knew I had done everything I could to try and help him but he had refused to help himself.

The next morning I made one of the toughest decisions of my life. As he was sleeping I snuck out of bed and called my father. I explained everything and through tears asked if he could come get me. We hadn’t been on speaking terms –  his distaste for my rushed engagement a chasm that had torn us apart – but that day I loved my father more than I ever had before. He didn’t argue with me, didn’t say ‘I told you so’, he made sure I was safe, told me to get my bags packed, and flew out on the earliest flight he could find. As I left the Prince was on his knees begging me to stay, promising change, saying anything he could imagine to get me to stay but it was too late. The glittering illusion vanished and in its place was the truth in all its ugly and miserable splendor. I was free of the spell and in place of Prince Charming I saw a cruel beast, unable to change his true nature. As children we are all read fairy tales – quotes such as “happily ever after” and “love conquers all” memorized to heart. In reality this isn’t always the case – sometimes no matter how much you love

Fast Fact: If you find yourself in a life-threatening situation, don't wait. Get help now. Call The National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline at 1-866-331-9474

someone or how much you care you have let go. Walking away can be painful but it’s important to realize there can never be a happy ending when abuse is involved.

I still have the ring he gave me. I keep it tucked away in a jewelry box at the back of my dresser –  out of sight but still where I can put my hands on it. I take it out on those rare occasions when I need a reminder of how lucky I am to be alive – I may not have a castle, I might be between princes, but no matter where I end up it will be with the knowledge that I made the right decision.

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Remember: Call The National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline at 1-866-331-9474, if you or someone you know is in trouble.

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