Face Your Social Fears: The pressure to dazzle turns some people into a bundle of nerves. Follow this advice to loosen the fun-crushing grip of anxiety.

There’s a reason Julia Hunt hates long lines and slow elevators, but it’s not the one you might think. “I’m deathly afraid of getting stuck talking to someone. What if I blurt out something stupid or run out of things to say?” says Hunt, a 17 years old student in NYC, who was named “class blusher”. Being in the classroom is the worst, she says, because you run into the same people every day and you don’t know them very well, but you want to impress them. “If I embarrass myself in front of a stranger,” she confesses, “at least I know I’ll probably never see them again.”

Hunt’s angst is more than just garden-variety shyness—it’s a form of social anxiety, the fear of being criticized and rejected by others. And its roots reach back further than high school. Human survival once depended on popularity – we relied on our clan to provide food and protection – so our brains evolved to be sensitive to the way other people see us.

As a result, worries about being rejected are shockingly common. 90% of people have experienced some degree of social anxiety at some time in their lives. It’s normal to feel anxious when you have to perform, like when you’re on a first date, mingling with clients, or giving a speech. The troubles occur when that “first date” type of uneasiness bleeds over into basic interactions such as chatting in the lunch line.

Fear Factor
Social anxiety can make you feel like you’re living in an episode of Gossip Girl, where every action is scrutinized with a critical eye. Though experts still aren’t entirely sure of the cause, it’s thought to have something to do with a hypervigilant fear system in the brain. You could think of that part of the brain—the amygdale—as a neural watchdog; it perks up when we come across something unfamiliar. In people with social anxiety, though, it acts more like an overzealous Doberman, sensing danger even in safe situations.

Once the amygdale starts bugging out, it kicks your body into fight or flight mode, which can trigger physical symptoms like sweating, dizziness, and a racing heartbeat. The worst part: Your brain flags whatever you’re doing (introducing yourself at a party, say, or squeaking through a PowerPoint presentation in class) as a “red alert” event – meaning the anxiety is likely to come back next time you’re in a similar situation. Even confident, outgoing people can experience social anxiety when they’re in specific situations.

Lessen the Stress
People with social anxiety disorder create elaborate excuses to get out of the situations that make them nervous. Problem is, the more you steer clear of something, the more frightening it becomes. The trick is to step outside your comfort zone again and again. The more you confront your fears, the easier they are to handle. Your game plan for navigating interactions:
----PLAY MIND GAMES. Research shows that people with social anxiety tend to pay more attention to threatening information, such as a hostile glance from a coworker, than on positive information, like a friend’s smile. To retrain your brain to home in on positive info, go someplace crowded that feels safe and pick out friendly places. Practice until it becomes second nature.
----TRY A NEW TACTIC. Don’t sit back and wait for others to make the first move. You can learn to approach anything with this ‘3-second rule.’ Pick someone when you’re walking down the street or shopping, and then approach them. It could be as simple as “Excuse me, what time is it?” It’s not the question that matters. It’s learning how to go over to someone without hesitating. Do it twice a day, and soon you’ll have no problem.
----WORK THE ROOM. Don’t show up fashionably late to a party. Walking into a crowded room can be overwhelming, and it’s harder to strike up conversations when people are already engaged. Do some reconnaissance. Know what’s going on in the world and prepare a few topics of conversation in advance. If you have a big social event on Friday, start reading up on the news on Monday, then talk about it with your classmates at school. By the time Friday rolls around, you’ve had your starter conversations a dozen times already.

While you’re working to overcome social anxiety, you may end up being even more nervous – at first, anyway. Keep up the practice, and interactions with other people will begin to feel more natural. The payoff will be a head-turning confidence in almost any setting you come across.