Remember that famous line by a former president? He said “he did not have any sexual relations with that woman [Monica Lewinsky].” In fact, he only received oral sex from her and at the time, about 20% of adults did not believe oral sex was sex. At the same time, you get a lot of teens asking whether performing or receiving oral sex would take away their virginity. You also get a lot of teens who believed that oral sex isn’t sex – just a sexual activity, like kissing or touching.

So what do we believe? There are still fights among experts on how to define oral sex. We're not going to tell you what it is, you'll have to make that up on your own. But we will present both sides of oral sex and give you the facts on oral sex.

What do other teens think?

In a nationwide survey, 25% of teens who say they are virgins have had oral sex. For most teens, the only form of sex is penetration, and anything else doesn't count. The most common reponse is, "You can have oral sex and be a virgin."One teen said, "If you were to ask someone if they were a virgin, they wouldn't include that they had given or gotten oral sex."

So what counts as sex to teens? A study in 1999 surveyed 600 college students on the definition of sex and 60% said oral-genital contact did not constitute having sex. Another informal survey put out by Teen vogue suggested the same: 44.6% of teens say oral sex count as “sex” while more than half (55%) say oral sex doesn’t, but the majority of teens believe that oral sex is more appropriate and acceptable than intercourse.

However, it must be said that the same nationwide study showed about 50% of teens have had oral sex. But those who described themselves as virgins were far less likely to say they had tried it than those who had had intercourse. We should note that if teens are having oral sex, they're probably having vaginal sex as well.

Why Oral Sex Isn't Sex...why?

For most teens who had received or given oral sex, the reasons differed as to why they might consider oral sex as abstinent behavior. For most teens (and excluding gay and lesbian teens), sex means penile-vaginal intercourse. To some teens, being a "technical virgin" is very important — they believe they can do everything but have vaginal sex and still remain a virgin. The increasing importance of "technical virginity" is likely influenced by abstinence-only education, which focuses on teaching teens to avoid vaginal sex. So for these teens, you can have oral sex, and you’re still considered a virgin. Teens who substituted other sex plays such as oral and anal sex do so in order to stay “technical virgins.”

Secondly, oral sex has less health risks than intercourse and anal sex. You can’t get pregnant and there’s a very low risk for HIV. However, oral sex can put both partners at risk for other sexually transmitted infections, including gonorrhea, hepatitis B, herpes (including cold sores), and syphilis. Using condoms to cover the penis or a dental dam or cut-open condom to cover the vulva or anus can reduce the risk of infection.

But Oral Sex is Sex! Right?

Here's what oral sex is: touching another person's genitals with the mouth. Here's what the definition of abstinence is: choosing not to participate in any sexual activity. So you can say that oral sex is technically sex.

• It involves touching the genitals.
• It involves sexual feelings.
• It can cause the same physical responses as other kinds of sex (i.e. leading to orgasm).
• It can pass STI's. This includes sexually transmitted dieasee in the mouth and throat.
• Oral sex has emotional consequences: people who have oral sex can feel hurt or betrayed, just as with other types of sex.
• Many people feel oral sex is very intimate. They wouldn't just do it casually.

Risks of Oral Sex

As we mentioned earlier, teenagers and experts agree that oral sex is less risky than intercourse because there's no threat of pregnancy and less chance of contracting a sexually transmitted disease or HIV. The primary risk of oral sex involves coming in direct contact with vaginal or seminal fluids that can transmit HIV or sexually transmitted infections. While not as risky as unprotected anal or vaginal sex, it is still possible to get STIs from having unprotected oral sex.

The risk to contract HIV and other STIs is much lower for the receiver than the person performing the act. For the person performing the act, the risk of transmission is much lower if gums are healthy and if semen or vaginal fluids do not enter the mouth. However, such preventative measures aren't always enough to prevent infection since you may have cuts or ulcers in your mouth that you may not be aware of. There is no pregnancy risk associated with oral sex - women cannot get pregnant by swallowing semen.

So the facts are there -- whether you think oral sex is sex or abstinent behavior is up to you -- but at face value, equating oral sex to abstinent behaviors like kissing is a bit of an exaggeration. As one teen said, "Someone told me oral sex is just like a goodnight kiss. I said, 'Excuse me? Kissing somone on the mouth is not the same as having oral sex with them!"'